A layman’s guide to the 2020 clown car (Vol. 2): The middle of the pack

Senator Elizabeth Warren- Warren, the firebrand former Republican from Massachusetts who made a name for herself in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, hit the circuit in Iowa a few months back and seems to live here already, constantly campaigning for Democratic State Senate candidate Eric Giddens. Our beloved Congressman Steve King put out a borderline incomprehensible tweet attempting to use the names of the counties around Buena Vista to land a sick burn about the whole ‘Pocahontas’ controversy, and some MAGA guy got arrested for harassing everyone at the event in Storm Lake.

           

In a way, she’s Bernie-lite, with an anti-Wall Street message and a compelling backstory about how an Oklahoma girl became a Harvard professor. But it’s hard not to feel like the self-made “23 and Me” fiasco has already torpedoed Warren’s prospects, and she may have been better served running in 2016— to put it bluntly, her moment has passed. Take that out of the equation, and she’s in the first category. Trump doesn’t forget.

           

Strengths- Would be first female president, smart on financial matters, could make for a strong ticket with Bernie if either were nominated.

           

Weaknesses- Stupid self-inflicted race controversy, visceral opposition among Republicans, Trump.

           

Will she run? Yes. Why else would she volunteer to spend so much time in Iowa?

 

Senator Kirsten Gillibrand- From here until she inevitably suspends her campaign three primaries in, I’ll refer to the Senator as “Hillary 2.0” because they’re politically indistinguishable.

           

Gillibrand is a classic chameleon who once bragged of being a moderate and embracing policies that now amount to blasphemy in liberal circles, and like her mentor, she’ll throw anyone under the bus who gets in her way, loyalty be darned. She has nothing new to offer but may parlay her bid into a vice presidential slot.

           

Strengths- Was on an episode of “Parks and Recreation” once, will probably have a ton of dark money behind her.

           

Weaknesses- Voting record, boring on the stump, married to a venture capital investment bro.

           

Will she run? Yes. In true #Resistance fashion, she announced it on the Stephen Colbert show and then announced it again a month later because everyone had already forgotten about her. Are you inspired yet? 

 

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